Rivers Cuomo = James Joyce?!?

[Suck My* Art Hole]

So we were making the drive from Albuquerque to Santa Fe this morning, and it occurred to us: What if Weezer (blue) were a concept album? The concept being one day in the life of the protagonis. Like, have you ever read Ulysses, or listened to A Grand Don't Come For Free (Joyce and The Streets, respectively)? Those two pieces follow a character(s) for about a day, and track the rise and fall of a life. Well, we think maybe Weezer does the same thing. We present the Payne Schemata of Weezer (blue).

Chapters

1. My Name Is Jonas
2. No One Else
3. The World Has Turned And Left Me Here
4. Buddy Holly
5. Undone-The Sweater Song
6. Surf Wax America
7. Say It Ain't So
8. In The Garage
9. Holiday
10. Only In Dreams

1. My Name Is Jonas

Time: 8am; Place: An Apartment in Los Angeles, California; Art: Interpretation of Dreams; Symbol: Wheel.

Introduces the protagonist, Jonas. Jonas dreams of a wheel, and his mythical, Biblical namesake. Awakes to a voicemail from his brother, a real estate developer who faces problems with his latest property: the workers are striking. End scene.

2. No One Else

Time: 8am; Place: Betty Ford Center; Art: Narrative (Old); Symbol: Photograph

Jonas' father, Harry, awakens. He's enjoying a stay in rehab for his alcohol addiction. His first thoughts upon rising are of his wife (divorced, named Polly). Polly's incessant affairs with other men led Harry to his heavy drinking; and thus, he feels his addiction can be cured if he meets a nice girl, who "leaves her makeup on the shelf" when he's away.

3. The World Has Turned And Left Me Here

Time: 830 am; Place: Shower; Art: Narrative (Young); Symbol: Photograph/Memory

Jonas, in the shower, thinks of his ex-lover, a girl named Mary whom he met at a surf party. Though it isn't certain from the text, it is implied that he pleasures himself.

4. Buddy Holly

Time: 11am; Place: Arnold's Drive-In; Art: Hallucination; Symbol: Jukebox

After showering and eating some Coco Puffs, Jonas heads off to Arnold's Drive-In, a local hangout and Happy Days-themed bar. This chapter takes course over several hours, during which Jonas drinks heavily, alone. After making several unsuccessful passes at a girl who reminds him of his ex, Jonas falls into drunken delusion and despair. Spurred by the Buddy Holly song "Peggy Sue" playing on the jukebox, Jonas begins to think he's a member of the cast of the popular 70s/80s Happy Days. A fight ensues, in which Jonas basically gets his ass kicked since he's so drunk that he can' punch or kick. His friends come in the nick of time and help him out.

5. Undone-The Sweater Song

Time: 6pm; Place: The El Rey Theater; Art: Knitting; Symbol: Superman Skivvies

Jonas is waiting outside the El Rey with his friends. They are waiting for a show to start; Jonas is still drunk, and he's introduced himself to some people as Ed. A girl, even more drunk, starts hitting on Jonas. Or maybe she's only trying to use him for a ride to a party? No one seems to know. While in line someone's zipper catches on a thread of Jonas' sweater, causing it to unravel a bit. As a joke, his friends--and later everyone--starts pulling on the thread to see if they can destroy his sweater. Someone pantss Jonas, revealing his Superman-themed underwear.

6. Surf Wax America

Time:12am; Place: Manhattan Beach; Art: Epiphany (Drunken); Symbol: Beer Keg

At the aforementioned party. The protagonist found a new pair of pants. He stands by the keg looking out at the ocean. Some people surf. He first compares the sea to a bottle of beer; later, a "thousand pound keg." (C.f., "winedark sea.") Jonas' mind wanders to a No Blood For Oil surf-themed protest he'd went to previously. This chapter introduces us to the idea that Jonas may be an alcoholic, given his persistent alcohol-themed characterizations of the ocean.

7. Say It Ain't So

Time: 130 am; Place: Manhattan Beach, further north; Art: Epiphany (Sober); Symbol: Bottle of Stevens Point Brewery Beer

Jonas is sobering up. He wanders north on the beach. Sitting down to rest, his eyes fall on a bottle of Stevens beer, which causes an epiphany in him: He's becoming an alcoholic like both his father and step father. (His mom, Polly, has poor choice in men?) Time grinds down, and Jonas begins to feel like one of the dead from the Flood. Feeling God has forsaken him, he screams "Say it ain't so!" Writhing around on the ground, he thinks up a pretty sweet guitar solo. He dreams he sees his father on the beach, then his little brother, whom he tries to strangle. He passes out.

8. In The Garage

Time: 2am; Place: Manhattan Beach, still the same spot from last chapter; Art: Garage Rock; Symbol: Twelve-sided die

Jonas dreams of being a rock musician. He dreams of black-framed glasses and Peter Criss. He dreams of dungeons and dragons, and remembers what a dork he really is. But his dream continues. He feels safe. No one cares about his ways. He belongs in the garage. But no one can hear him sing his song.

9. Holiday

Time: 12am; Place: Better Ford Center; Art: Fugue; Symbol: Math Homework

It's lights out at Betty Ford. Harry wishes he could go on holiday. He's almost recovered and he's been reading this awesome book called On The Road. He's been trying to get his GED, and he's sick of the math homework. Harry wishes he was immortal, and that he could hang out with his son and be the "cool dad," but not too cool, coz otherwise he'd been an alcoholic, which is exactly what happened.

10. Only In Dreams

Time: 4am; Place: Manhattan Beach, still; Technique: Guitar Solo; Symbol: Toenails

Jonas wakes up, only to realize that he wishes he were still dreaming. Which realization causes him to reflect on the nature of dreams and reality. In dreams only can his ideal girl be in the air, in between molecules of oxygen and carbon dioxide. In reality, he would totally step on the feet of the girl with whom he's dancing at the high school prom, which he totally did. He takes his frustration out on himself, masturbating for, like, five minutes on his metaphorical guitar. Falls asleep.

*We found this image on google image search. It's not really our drawing. (Too bad!)